tess_untitled

P.S. I love you.

2008-11-22T21:13:53Z

P.S. I love you.

I watched “P.S. I love you” again and it inspired me… inspired me to the point of making me write. I know how bad it hurts when you lose someone you love… I know how hopeless it feels when you fall asleep to the sound of your own tears… Believe me, I have been there… Most of the people thought I was too young to understand what had happened… I was a child but I wasn’t stupid… I still regret not going to the funeral… I still regret not fighting harder for them to let me go… I was a child but I wasn’t a baby… I still blame myself for what happened… I still blame myself for not being there to give him a hand. They say no one could have predicted it… but they can’t explain how he always knew when to come over to say hi. I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye.

While I’m sitting here…

I know you’re sitting there.

I can feel it…

Your chin on my shoulder…

Your warm breath on my ear…

You didn’t need to talk to make me dream…

You didn’t need to touch me to make me fly…

While I’m writing here…

I know you’re writing there.

I can feel it…

Your hand moving across my empty page…

Your gentle fingers grabbing my own pen…

You didn’t need to speak to make me aware of your presence…

You didn’t need to find a better way to make me smile…

While I’m crying here…

I know you’re crying there…

I can feel it…

Your strong arms around me…

Your sweet tears rolling down my shoulder…

You didn’t need to tell me because I already knew it…

You didn’t need to apologize because I had already forgiven you…

While I’m here…

I know you’re there…

I can feel it…

Your loud giggles…

Your tender smiles…

I hope I didn’t need to tell you…

I hope I didn’t need to confess to you…

While I’m sitting here…

I’m missing you.

Can you feel it?

My sorrow…

My pain and regret…

While I’m sitting here…

I feel you like you’re still alive.

While you’re sitting there…

I won’t leave this place.

If anyone...

2008-11-19T19:44:47Z

If anyone...

The world is spinning and I’m changing… I’m afraid I won’t be able to recognize myself in a few days but I’m also afraid I won’t follow my way if I don’t allow myself to adjust. Choosing is never easy but dealing with the choice is even harder. So… Should I stay or should I go? Should I jump or should I look down first? I’m afraid there won’t be anyone to hold me… I’m afraid there will be someone to hold me… What am I going to do? I’m changing…

If anyone asks for me,

Tell them I died…

But then tell them I survived.

If anyone calls out for me,

Tell them I’m deaf…

But then tell them I can finally hear.

If anyone gives you a letter for me,

Tell them I’m blind…

But then tell them I can finally see.

If no one searches for me,

Tell them I finally lost…

But then tell them I succeeded.

Many things changed

Many things prevailed

Many paths disappeared

Many paths emerged

Many plans failed

Many plans triumphed

Many people passed away…

But many people were reborn.

If anyone asks for me,

Tell them I finally died…

But then tell them I was reborn.

I changed,

But I prevailed.

I disappeared,

But I emerged.

I failed,

But I triumphed.

If nobody searches for me,

Tell them I lost…

But then tell them I finally succeeded.

Hello World.

2008-11-09T00:58:16Z

Hello World... this is me.

Listening to the rain falling is an absolute pleasure.

Feeling the cold drops on my warm skin means pure perfection.

Getting soaked makes me feel deliciously alive.

Staying home makes me sick and causes me to slowly and painfully die.

I like to see the world as it is.

I like to enjoy the world as it was meant to.

What is a curable cold –

compared to experiencing the world?

Singing my heart out is not something you would like to hear.

Crying my heart out is something you will never do for me.

Waiting for the pain to go away is a waste of time.

Fighting for a second chance is worth a mine.

I like to see the world as it is.

I like to enjoy the world as it was meant to.

What is a minor mistake –

compared to the lesson you learn from it?

Breaking a pencil helps me deal with frustration.

Falling apart will never have an intention.

Watching cheerful people gives me hope.

Smiling is one of the best things in the whole wide world.

I like to see the world as it is.

I like to enjoy the world as it was meant to.

What is a wrong path –

compared to the many we will have to follow while living?

Choosing to end this poem here might be an error.

Calling it a poem might also be a false allegation.

Oh well…

Hello world! This is me.

Oh, my words...

2008-11-08T01:13:50Z

Oh, my words...

When all my friends turned their backs on me, they stayed by my side… they are loyal and sincere… they are mine…

The words...

They talk to me… slowly whispering the most beautiful stories on my ear

They follow me everywhere… gently, warming up my heart, even when the icy winter starts to take over

They make me dream… kindly, taking me to places I had never had the courage to look for on my own

They make me yell… unreservedly running across my mind like there’s no tomorrow and there was no tonight

They make me dance… tenderly pushing me up when everything and everyone else tries to pull me down

They make me fly… friendly, grabbing my cold hands and telling me everything is gonna be just fine

They keep me breathing… caringly, helping me remember why I’m worth of it and still living

They keep me company… devotedly, showing me wonderful things no one else seems to see

They make me sing… pleasantly causing my lips to curl up into a real bright smile

They make me cry… passionately, leaving some memorable scars behind

Oh, my words…

They keep me alive…

Oh, with my words…

I can reach the above the sky…

Oh, what silly words…

They keep sharing the secrets that come from deep inside.

Today I feel like I have failed.

2008-11-05T23:18:41Z

Today I feel like I have failed.

I never felt like this before… I’m afraid of writing because I’m afraid of reading and getting to know what’s happening inside my soul and my heart. However, writing is what has been keeping me sane… So what should I do? What comes next might sound confusing and disturbing… but I guess that’s only because I’m confused and disturbed.

Today I feel like I have failed.

I wish I hadn’t said it…

I wish I hadn’t done it…

I could have ran away

But I thought I was tough enough to stay

I wish I hadn’t seen it…

I wish I hadn’t heard it…

I could have closed my eyes

But I thought I could fight my own cries

I wish I hadn’t looked back…

I wish I hadn’t walked back…

I could have moved frontwards

But I thought I could win the battle I was marching towards

I wish I had yelled it…

I wish I had meant it…

I could have assumed I was mistaken

But I thought I could end up being shaken

I wish I had left them…

I wish I hadn’t followed them.

Today I feel like I have failed.

I wish I hadn’t disappointed them…

I could have confessed I wasn’t ready for it.

I wish I hadn’t disappointed myself…

But now it’s too late…

I can tell myself the pain will go away

But I think it came to stay.

Today I feel like I have failed…

I wonder what I will feel tomorrow…

Untitled

2008-11-03T21:46:34Z

Untitled

I have been away for ages and I know it... but now I'm back. Many things changed... and I'm scared... I'm not sure if I'm able to write... the poems sound lifeless and it kills me. Anyway, here I am... trying to understand whether I should leave my thoughts behind and hide my pen under the bed or if I should keep letting my hands move for me, giving meaning for the so important words that help me through the day.

Yesterday I was not okay,

I didn’t even know what to say.

It all started when someone mentioned home…

Yes, that was when I realized I was all alone.

I tried to keep myself from crying…

I tried to keep myself from sighing…

But it was never easy for me to ignore

The memories that were constantly coming back to the shore.

I couldn’t just run away,

So I stayed and listened to what they had to say…

Those beautiful stories they always liked to tell…

About my life, before this hell.

So I wished I could go back

To the day I had to pack.

All I had ever wanted was another chance…

But I left without a second glance…

Maybe if I had opened my eyes…

Maybe if I had looked around closely…

I just couldn’t live though…

If my heart wasn’t ready to forgive…

Not the people who had made me cry…

But the person who hadn’t allowed me say goodbye.

Yes, that’s what I’m telling you…

Yes, it’s exactly what you’re thinking…

I know I have to let it go…

I’m the only one running this show.

I’ve to absolve myself…

‘Cause the guilt won’t disappear by itself…

I’ve a second shot now…

To be the person I once forgot…

The brave girl who believed in a better world,

The courageous girl who knew how to use the word.

And today I think I’m going to accept it…

‘Cause tomorrow it might as well as be…

Too late to be “me".

Human for Real.

2008-06-22T20:48:21Z

Human for Real.

Because that's what we are...

Human beings that keep fighting until the end; Human beings that sometimes feel like giving up and pretend; Human beings with a heart and soul; Human beings that get sick and lose control; Human beings that are sad and cry; Human beings that watch the news and ask themselves why; Human beings that care... Human beings that share. Here are a few of my thoughts...

Today I’m feeling an urge to write
Even though my words are still on strike

I seriously don’t understand,
Why do people love to pretend?

I asked
And re-asked

I observed
And re-observed

It just doesn’t make any sense to me
Trying to be someone we weren’t born to be

I know how hard is to be myself
But I can’t give up… Why don’t you fight for yourself?

It feels good to cry without being embarrassed
It feels great to shine without being afraid

There won’t be anyone to point at you
Most of them don’t really care, so why should you?

Now about the ones you love
They will accept and love you back

There will be a smile after a tear
There will be a laugh after a cry

Because that’s what we are,
Human for real.

We go up and we go down
But we never reach the ground

There will always be someone to give us a hand
Even though we are just another grain of sand

There will always be someone to hold us together
Yes, today and forever…

Because that’s what we are,
Human for real.

Because that’s what we do
Look up for each other and the same goes for you

Yes, you’re special…

Because that’s what you are,
Human for real.

...

2008-05-05T20:27:10Z

Today I understood something… we are in a special world made for special people… and for some reason I just found out I’m not that special… I’m just a girl who’s trying to find a reason to keep breathing… I find it way harder than I thought it would be… I’m not sure if I can take it… I’m not sure if I will survive… but I tried… I tried so damn hard that my chest hurts… and now I’m crying over this stupid keyboard because I have no where else to cry… not a friendly shoulder, not a warm hug… nothing. There are so many people around me so why can’t I just open up? Why is it so hard for me to speak? Why?! I’m afraid they won’t understand... I feel like grabbing my things and going away… far away from this land that I love and hate… I just wished… I wished I had done something different… I wished I had helped someone, I wished I had changed the world… or just my little corner of the world… but I can’t… Yes, you might call me stupid, idiot, selfish… but please… say something!

Choices...

2008-04-25T20:02:05Z

Choices...

Who are you?

Sometimes you do crazy things and you don't understand why... Sometimes you turn to the left and not the right and you can't quite explain why... Everyday we make our choices and everyday we have to live with their consequences... But there comes a time... when you feel like quitting and then you just say goodbye.

A cold whisper
Against the warm skin

Makes my body shiver
Makes my heart trigger

A deep sigh
Followed by the last breath, a last wish

Makes my soul fly
Makes who’s now beside me cry

The words were cruelly spoken
The truth was instantly accepted

Who wants to argue
When there’s no time left behind?

My name won’t be remembered
My pictures will be burnt

A tear rolls down a pale cheek
A heart skips its last beat

Was it painful?
Was it hard?

Is it over?
Is it too late to say goodbye?

I don’t know
I don’t care

He kept its promise
I’m now dead

What did I do?
Why did I do it?

It was just getting too difficult
To wake up and look inside

There was an empty heart
There was a forgotten soul

Now everything it’s on its place
But I’m no longer in control

But who cares anyway?
I’m just what I was born to be…

A dark dream
A triumphant nightmare.

An End - The Poem.

2008-04-16T13:44:18Z

An End.

It could all have been different but no one cared enough to change.

Yesterday they told me he had killed himself... I couldn't help myself, I had to cry and ask why... I started to remember all the times he walked pass by and I didn't say hi; I started to remember all the times he had smiled at me and I just said goodbye... What if I had stopped and smiled back? Would he still be alive? I can't help myself but think... Would that be enough to change the story end?

A moment…

I was lying on my back
Awake, listening to the last track

A sigh…

I was searching my heart for hope
Cold, giving a loop on the rope

A tear…

I was looking at my refection
Tired, shivering at all the imperfection

A pray…

I was waiting for the pain to go away
Shocked, watching it coming the same way

A scream…

I was having a dreadful day
Stressed, convincing myself I was okay

A dream…

I was speaking some prophetic prose
Tender, smiling at a white rose

A breath…

I was giving my heart and soul
Terrified, losing all the control

A chance…

I was needing a shoulder to cry
Thoughtful, asking myself why

An end…

I was putting the rope around my neck
Afraid, jumping towards the deck

Freak Show.

2008-04-15T19:59:48Z

Freak Show

I'm tired of being ignored and being told that I'm weird...

I never asked anyone to accept me, I just asked them to set me free... I never thought I would be like this, I just thought I would be the real me... I never dreamed about this reality, I just dreamed about a place where I could breathe... I never said I would be the perfect daughter or perfect friend, I just said I would be the best I could... Somehow that's not enough.

I’m feeling so lonely,
I’m feeling so lost…

My brain is tempting my heart
To just stop beating

My brain is tempting my lungs
To just stop breathing

And as I watch them arguing over the subject
I finally realise that I have no power over my life

My only role on this freak show
Is watching the others laugh as I fall

And their role on this stupid show
Is watching me grow as they walk pass by

I once cared about what they said
Meaning that 5 seconds ago I trusted their judgement

But now I just realised
That’s not what I’m needing

So for the first time in my life
I decided it was time to stop my cry

And now I begin to pray
For the pain to go away

I’m feeling so tired
I’m feeling so wounded

I’m tempting my heart
To just stop beating

I’m tempting my lungs
To just stop breathing

And as I close my eyes
I know that it’s over

No more nightmares
No more responsibilities

“It was great to be here.”
I lie.

“It was a pleasure to meet you.”
I sigh.

“Now I need to go.”
I leave.

“Out of this freak show.”

Words.

2008-04-10T23:55:23Z

Words.

How can my passion be so hard to follow?

Sometimes I feel like words run away from me and as I try to catch them, they start to get confusing. I don't know if this only happens to me but it hurts too much because I thought I could be good at this, I thought I would finally succeed... seems like someone or something is against me... I don't care if they think I'm weird and weak because words are my world and I'm ready to fight for it.

There’s rage burning into my soul
There’s sadness and pain too, truth to be told

I don’t seem to be able to write
Whoever did this to me had no right

It’s such a cruel thing to do
When words are everything to you

Believe me, that’s my case
I can’t live like this and I still don’t know who to chase

Like a mother cries for her dead son
I cry for my lost words

As long as the rain keeps falling
As long as my heart keeps beating

I pray to get them back
I hope no one steals their meaning

‘Cause as a lung cancer can kill
This keeps me from breathing

Like a loyal wife, I hold onto my beliefs
That’s the only thing that will keep us from drowning in our own tears

As long as the sun keeps shining
As long as my hands keep moving

I will look through out the dark world
I will scream for them, still hoping

‘Cause as a broken pair of glasses away from its owner
This keeps me from seeing, this makes me a loner

Like a painter uses painting to fly
The words are the only thing that makes me smile

So as long as the wind keeps blowing
As long as I will stay awake looking

Because they can be anywhere
Even hiding inside my head,

Laughing at my misery.

I'm sorry.

2008-04-07T17:08:38Z

Just taking a deep breath... not sure of how deep but I'm sure it will take me a bit to decide whether it is worth of it or not to return to this beautiful show.

I think there comes a time when you just can’t play your own character anymore, just can’t because it hurts you too much to know that it makes the others happy… no, you’re not selfish… you just want to be yourself. Some people give up and sell their souls to the ones who promise happiness but there are other people who keep fighting for a change to be themselves, to enjoy life as they always wanted to.

Yes, it takes courage to be yourself and to struggle against pain… but hey… isn’t the suffering the one that gives happiness a meaning? Isn’t the waiting that makes the winning tastier?

Why follow the easy path if you can be worth of the rough one? It’s complicated but don’t we love challenges? Aren’t we always playing around with the others and ourselves like we are characters from The Sims? But here we don’t have codes for money and so millions of people loose their lives per day because they don’t have food, pills, and clothes or just because they don’t have a person to talk to.

A smile gives hope, a hug gives strength, a word gives courage… a friend gives everything.

I’m really sorry… sorry for the people that spend their nights on the street; sorry for the people who don’t have anything to eat; sorry for the people who don’t have a shoulder to cry onto; sorry for the people who are sick; sorry for the people who can’t talk, hear, see and feel; sorry for the people who are marginalised by society; sorry for the people who watch their hearts getting broken; sorry for the people who commit suicide because there was no other way; sorry for the people who don’t understand that they can make a difference; sorry for the people who cry; sorry for the people who hide behind a smile; sorry for the people who are afraid of fighting against their fears; sorry for the people who aren’t courageous enough to look inside and see themselves; sorry for the people who are alone; sorry for the people who are addicted to something; sorry for the people who don’t have money or have too much of it; sorry for the people who love someone; sorry for the people who perform terrible crimes; sorry for the people who hadn’t time to say goodbye; sorry for the people who can’t appreciate art; sorry for the people who don’t have reasons to smile; sorry for the people who aren’t able to say I’m sorry…

So sorry for those who can’t and don’t do… for the ones who can and do… for the 6.659.824.670 people or more that live in this world…

So sorry…

What are you sorry for? Let’s add it here and write a list of the things we are sorry for… I’m sure we would be able to write a book if everyone cooperated. Sounds insane and weird… but that’s me.

The Eclipse

2008-04-03T22:53:33Z

The Eclipse

Sometimes you feel like you should keep going but it’s just too hard…

When you look back and think about all your decisions, all the mistakes you did, all the risks you took... was it worth of it? Are you proud? What would you change? Do you like the reality you're living in? Do you feel lonely? Are you tired of fighting? Are you going to give up? Will you answer later? Do you at least want to? Maybe a second chance?! I thought about that too.

Sometimes I find myself thinking,
Are mistakes worth of making?
Are risks worth of taking?

Are we strong enough?
Are we ready to fight for our desires?
Are we prepared to face our fears?

There was a time when I thought I was
I just felt it, stronger like the moon
Capable of rising up even though she was hated for thousands

I was brave enough to fight for what I wanted
Like the moon, when the sun didn’t want to set
She fought back and pushed harder

Still I always respected the others
Like the moon, even thought she preferred the night
She always wished the sun “Sweet Dreams” and “Goodnight.”

Suddenly there was this dust
I looked around and I could see nothing
Like the moon, during the eclipse, I felt lost

As fast as it came, as fast as it went away
But now something had changed
Like the moon, I was scared I would never be the same

People were staring at me with those curious eyes
Like the moon, I blushed and tried to hide
Away from the crowd, away from the night

I found myself at the beach watching the sunrise
Like the moon, I was crying
But unlike her, I had stopped trying

Yet I ask…
Are mistakes worth of making?
Are risks worth of taking?

Are we strong enough?
Are we ready to fight for our desires?
Are we prepared to face our fears?

Like the sun, I will keep running away from the darkness
Like the sun, I will keep doing my job without the answers

Because I know that someday…
The Eclipse will be back and I will be the same.

Just a few words...

2008-04-02T18:43:27Z

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Don’t let yourself fall in love with something that has no life… There are people who care enough to protect you, some of them you can trust, some are hoping that you get over this… but only one… only one didn’t give up yet on trying to make you realise that you’re beautiful… so beautiful that it’s even hard to look at… so don’t give up, keep fighting… because the dark shadow will leave and you will have the chance to shine. Don’t let yourself fall into the deeps of emptiness… that’s not you.

Wrote it a few weeks ago but I actually liked it so I decided to post it here.

Books & Movies List

2008-04-02T18:36:24Z

Josie told me I should try this so here I am. Well... as I'm not in the mood to write and the pain makes it hard to walk around... here I go. I hope to read 100 books & watch around 150 movies. Yeah, sounds good to me.

Books:

Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult.
Key of Light by Nora Roberts.
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer.

[3/100]

Movies:

Raising Helen
Herbie Fully Loaded
Riders
Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights
Laws of Attraction
The Mummy Returns
Something's Gotta Give
A Walk to Remember
The Passion of the Christ
Step Up
Knocked Up
Black Dawn
Black Hawk Down
Stardust
Welcome to Mooseport
Next

[16/150]

All Good Things Come to An End.

2008-03-31T15:08:22Z

All Good Things Come to An End.

You will only experience happiness if you know the meaning of real pain.

Sometimes I just feel like being 5 again... because I was happy for a non existent reason, because my cries where caused by toys that had been broken and not my heart... Sometimes I just feel like living the past and not the present... because it scares me that nothing will ever be the same.

There’s this sound
That keeps playing in my head

I’m not sure if it is a song
I’m not sure where it comes from, if it really comes from somewhere

The melody is amazing
The lyrics are inexistent yet breathtaking

There’s this sound
That keeps playing in my head

I’m sure I heard it before
I’m sure I learned it somewhere

As I close my eyes
As I sigh deeply

Something starts to appear in front of my eyes
Something glorious that feels weakly

A smile took over my sad expression
A healthy laugh won the battle against my tears

As I take a deep breath
As I let my hands lay on my lap

Something makes my heart skip a beat
Something mutes the sound and gives its space to silence

Now there’s this scent
That keeps playing with my senses

I’m not sure if it’s a flower
I’m not sure where it comes from, if it really comes from somewhere

The feeling is wonderful
The aroma is powerful yet soft

Now there’s this scent
That keeps playing with my senses

I’m sure I smelled this before
I’m sure I tried it somewhere

As I open my eyes
As I blink more than twice

Something makes me cry
Something makes my want to said goodbye

There’re these memories
That keep playing with my heart

I’m sure I lived them once in the past
I’m sure I won’t ever forget them

Because they are the ones that make it worth of the present
Because they are the ones who still make me smile

Once again I close my eyes
Once again I take a deep breath

Something starts to warm me up
Something makes my muscles relax

Now there’s this vision
That fills my hopes and desires

It’s from a better world
A world that I decided to hold onto

Something makes me jump
Something wakes me up

It was all a dream
A dream that was once real

I’m back to live the present now
I’m back to the point zero

Where everything is painful
Where there are no reasons to smile

I just wish I could go back
I just wish I had enjoyed it more

Because today…
I’m not as happy as before.

It will always be waiting for you...

2008-03-30T16:38:35Z

It will always be waiting for you...

Because I held you and you set me free...

You showed me the world, a new and completely different world that was worth of all the pain I once suffered; You showed me love, a new and completely different meaning of love that was worth of all the tears I once cried; You showed me the real me, a new and completely different me that was worth of everything I did and didn't do. Thank you for everything.

I guess I never really cared
About all the things I shared

I ended up telling you the truth
Meaning, everything I could

Now that you went away
There’s nothing else to say

I knew that it would happen someday
I just thought that day was pretty far away

Somehow I keep my legs away
From the place of the couch where you used to stay

My table is always set for two
Like you are here too

I told you I wouldn’t ever forget you
I meant it, it’s actually true

That place on the right side of my bed
Is waiting for you as it always will be

Because you left your perfume on my pillows
Because I held you and you set me free

That red blouse I always loved
Is waiting for you as it will always be

Because you cried on my shoulder
Because I held you and you set me free

That blanket we used to lay down by the fireplace
Is waiting for you as it will always be

Because I can remember you stroking my hair as I laid by your side
Because I held you and you set me free

Now there is one last thing I wanted to tell you…

That place on my neck that you used to kiss softly
Is waiting for you as it will always be

Because there’s no one else here who knows the secret
Because there’s no one else here who knows the real me

Thanks for everything.

With love,

The one who will keep you near.

Fanart.

2008-03-17T19:08:06Z

Well... I write poems but I also have a thing for fanart and so here I'm to show you guys some of my work.

15 Lisa's Icons
16 Bones' Icons
03 Once & Again's Icons
01 Other Icons

Teaser:

01. 02. 03. 04.

05. 06. 07. 08.

09. 10. 11. 12.

13. 14. 15. 16.

17. 18. 19. 20.

21. 22. 23. 24.

25. 26. 27. 28.

29. 30. 31. 32.

33. 34. 35.

Once or Twice - The Poem.

2008-03-17T18:27:07Z

Once or Twice

It's hard to understand why people laugh when you say "I love you"...

Somehow you feel like you're not good enough... and if they are laughing is because you're ridiculous... but is that the truth? Did you ever question that? Maybe they are the ones who don't deserve to be loved by you... maybe you're too good for them... But no... when something goes wrong it's always your fault... isn't it? But why?

Once or Twice
I just lost the count
Of how many times
I tried to say it

Once or Twice
I just don't know
How many times
I watched you go

Once or Twice
I just can't remember
How many times
I fought agaisnt it

Once or Twice
I just forgot
Of how many times
I cried for nothing

Once or Twice
I walked to you

Once or Twice
You looked away

Once or Twice
I smiled and left

Once or Twice
You cried and ran

Once...
I told you my name...

Twice...
You couldn't remember...

Twice...
I held you in my arms

Once...
You thanked me and said goodbye

Once and not twice
I walked towards that bridge

Twice and not once
You looked around and didn't find me

Once...
Twice...

It doesn't matter anymore...

Because once...
I said I loved you

Because twice...
You just laughed and left.

The Real Question.

2008-03-16T18:00:55Z

The real question.

Is there still hope? Will it ever change? Do we want it too? Are we ready to?

Sometimes I feel like crying... crying because I know this wasn't supposed to happen; Sometimes I feel like laughing... laughing because I know that this is ridiculous; Sometimes I feel like screaming... screaming because I know that this isn't going anywhere. I'm yelling... yelling because I want them to wake up!

I feel like crying
And I don't know why

I'm really tired of trying
To say hi and not goodbye

They told me to keep fighting
But why? People are getting too high...

Too high for me to reach
Too high to notice that I even exist

I really don't care
But they are everywhere

Where is the world going?
If it is actually going somewhere...

They are lost
And somehow I understand

It's not easy
But wasn't that the plan?

They all like the challenge itself
But none of them plays it fair

I'm telling you
We are not going anywhere...

You say it's not your fault...
I swear I'm not accusing you...

It's definitely not you
It's really not me

It's US...
You and me and them together...

WE have the power to change
But do we want to?

That's the real question.

tess_untitled @ 2008-03-04T17:45:00

2008-03-04T17:51:02Z

Death.

Death comes and goes but never leaves alone.

Do you really need to loose someone to know how much you loved that person? Are you ready to feel guilty about your past decisions? What would you do if you had a second chance? What would you change? Now imagine you die… will be there anyone to say goodbye? C’mon… it’s time for a change, it’s time to save a life.

I just can’t wait to tell
About my living hell

It was once called a life
Until he reached out for that knife

Silence…
That was all I could hear…

Darkness…
That was all I could see…

5…
4…
3…
2…
1…

That was all he gave me…

A moment for a short breath
A moment for a single tear

There was no goodbye
There was no see you in a year

Somehow I can’t blame him
Somehow I do understand

He wasn’t ready to share
He wasn’t ready… to commit

Some people said nothing
Some people said it wasn’t fair

Who are they to point at?
Who are they to even care?

I never saw them like this
I never saw them anywhere

Still they are here…

Some were just paid to cry
Some were just too close and decided to come by

They are all scared…

Scared of dying alone
Scared of dying with regret

I don’t want to be mean
I don’t want to be rude

It’s just too late…
They did everything they could…

Even though they didn’t move a finger
Even though they didn’t know me at all

At least they had time to say goodbye
At least they are still alive to make that last call

Asking for forgiveness
Asking for a second chance

What if it wasn’t me on that cemetery?
What if it was your mother or father?
What if it was your best friend?
What if it was someone you love?

What would you do?

Just stare like you don’t care?!

I don’t believe so…

You still have the opportunity
You can still turn around and fight

Do it for me…
Do it for who’s beside me…

Make my death worth of it…

Thank you.

Wasn't fair. - The Poem.

2008-02-29T19:15:38Z

Wasn't fair.

Sometimes there's too much pain and too much thoughts... there's nothing you can do but give up.

There are people who spend their entire lives waiting for someone to say, "You are important." And... "I love you." She only wanted to hear. "You deserve to be a mother." And no one cared enough to tell her so. She died, a child left alone - and now we ask ourselves... "Why?" There won't be a logical answer and everything will keep moving on as if nothing had happened... as if a life wasn't lost.

A door getting closed with too much strength

A tear of blood rolling down a pale cheek

A large open window

A faint grey sky

The wind is not blowing

The birds are not singing

The rain keeps falling

The body stops moving

A scream was left behind

A small pray left unspoken

Suddenly there’s a cry…

Of desperation

Of pain

Of sadness

Of regret

A face covered in tears

A weak body surrounded by blood

There was a child hidden behind

That cold and now dead body

Of an once caring mother

A mother like no other

A white shirt dyed red

A pair of scissors by the head

No one had asked her if that was what she wanted

No one had asked her if this was what she needed

All she wanted was a better life

All she wanted was to convince herself that she deserved that child

But it didn’t happen

But no one cared

Now it’s over.

But was it fair?

I'm running... - The Poem.

2008-02-28T21:59:50Z

I’m running...

Running is something really poetic... you just need to look at it from another angle.

The road doesn't care if I'm wearing make-up or not... if I'm well dressed or not...It doesn't like to pretend... It just wants company and that's all I need too.

I’m running

Not sure of my direction

Not sure if I even care

My legs seem to be moving on their own

As the sun sets and the moon raises

It’s getting really dark and I’m all alone

Crossing the street, I run away from any personal crises

Somehow I don’t care

Somehow I don’t want to share…

The feeling

The passion

The peaceful atmosphere

You can call me selfish

You can call me dumb

But did you ever try it?

Really? Did you do it on your own?

Here I found my best friend

Here I found a place to hide

Here… where there’s only road

Here… where everything is silent

It’s ridiculous to have to ask

For a moment… for attention...

Here, where there’s only road

I don’t even need presentation

I can cry

I can vent

Here, where everything is silent

Here, where I found protection

I’m running

I know where I’m going…

I’m going to meet my friend

I'm empty.

2008-02-27T14:04:43Z

I don’t know what I’m going to do today. I hate when I have time to think about the stuff I have been trying to forget. I know it’s kind of stupid and even hard to understand but… sometimes I just feel like getting away from the worlds’ population and be alone. Not to think, not to scream, not to cry… I just like to be myself for a few moments and I’m pretty sure our society wouldn’t accept who I really am. Not because I’m too quiet or too ugly… just because I’m different. I never thought it would be that hard to be understood… to be free and to be what I was born to. It shouldn’t… but it is. Life can be so cruel and so painful… Why do we need to suffer? Why are we so materialistic? Why can’t we just follow our dreams and be happy? Those questions don’t let me sleep, don’t let me smile, don’t let me live… Why can’t I be like everyone else? Why do I have to different? I don’t know if I should be proud of myself… I’m not sure if I deserve whatever is coming on my way. Past, Present and Future… I can’t forget the past, I tend to overlook the present and so… how am I going to live the future? Wait… Do I have a future? I don’t want to feel what I’m feeling, I don’t want to hear what I’m hearing… but I don’t have a choice. It kills me inside… too much pain for a person like me… lonely but still surrounded by millions of others. Do they feel the same? How can I know? People are getting so quiet about what they really believe… they live each others’ lives and problems… just because they’re too afraid of looking inside and see what they are… who they are. It’s just so awkward… they all want to be happy but most of them think that they have to wait… they sit down on a chair and wait for the happiness to come and meet them there. I don’t want to wake them up from that sweet day dream but hey… since when do we get everything we want without fighting for it? I know it hurts and I know it makes us cry sometimes… but what about the good things? All those smiles, all those sunny days, all those laughs… didn’t it feel good? Isn’t it worth of it? I have no idea… maybe I should just keep thinking… Who cares? I’m too different and too like everybody else. I don’t like to feel empty… and I don’t like to hear the loud silence of my life.